There are certain things that Parkinson’s has put limits onto my Daily life.
What I find frustrating is recognizing the things I can no longer do, the things I can continue to do and the things I get apathetic about doing.
How do I separate them? How do I know which is which?
I feel mentally that I can do it. Then find out I can’t or struggle at it. Or I struggle at it then get apathetic about finishing it.
Sometimes I get all three emotions in the one deed. I start off being able to do the task, 5 minutes later struggle at it then 5 minutes later say ” what the fuck” and succumb to the “I don’t care if it gets done” or” I will do it later” stage.
This can cause anguish not only in me but in my caregiver as well.
Do I feel like I’m pulling my weight? Not only in our business relationship but in our personal and sexual relationship as well?
If I have these thoughts, so to must my caregiver.
These feelings of doubt can and has effected how I and we communicate to each other.
Am I just becoming a complainer or am I using Parkinson’s as a crutch?
The answer is possibly both. Yet the problem is knowing it, facing it, and stopping it.
Communication seems to be a key, yet it is now becoming one of my problem areas. Once a strong point I now struggle at it and must now find a different method to try and communicate.
I have normally been more a verbal communicator, then write things out. The reverse is now true. I seem I must now write things down to be able to talk about them.
There is more to explore, but……Will explore that later. Sigh!